Workplace Conflict: When Is It Time to Consider Mediation?

Conflict at work is normal. We spend a huge amount of our lives working with people who have different personalities, communication styles, priorities and ways of doing things. We are not always going to agree.

And actually, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Different opinions can lead to better ideas, challenge the way we think and stop teams from simply agreeing with each other for the sake of it.

The problem starts when a disagreement isn't dealt with and begins to turn into something else.

That's often when workplace mediation can become a useful option.

So, what actually is workplace mediation?

Mediation gives two people who are experiencing conflict the opportunity to sit down with an independent person and have a conversation that they may no longer be able to have successfully on their own.

The mediator isn't there to decide who is right.

They don't investigate the situation, make findings or tell either person what they should do.

Instead, they help both people talk honestly about what has happened, understand each other's perspective and, importantly, think about what needs to change for them to work together going forward.

For me, that last part is particularly important.

Workplace mediation isn't really about proving who was right about something that happened three months ago. It is about finding out whether there is a workable way forward.

When might mediation help?

There isn't a perfect point at which a manager should suddenly think, "We need a mediator."

But there are usually signs that a situation is becoming difficult to resolve through normal management conversations.

When people have stopped really talking

This can be one of the earliest signs.

Two colleagues who previously worked reasonably well together start avoiding each other. Conversations become very transactional. Everything happens by email. They start copying managers into messages that wouldn't normally require them.

Sometimes both people become so convinced of the other's intentions that almost anything they say is interpreted negatively.

Once a relationship reaches that point, telling people to "just talk to each other" isn't always enough.

Having someone independent facilitate that conversation can make a big difference.

When you've already tried to resolve it

Managers should be able to deal with normal disagreements within their teams, and developing the confidence to have those conversations is an important management skill.

But managers don't have to solve absolutely everything themselves.

If you've spoken to the people involved, things improve briefly and then the same problems keep coming back, there may be something underneath the disagreement that hasn't really been addressed.

That can be a good point to consider mediation.

When the rest of the team is starting to feel it

Conflict very rarely affects only the two people involved.

Other employees notice.

People start being careful about what they say. Colleagues may feel they have to take sides. Meetings become uncomfortable. Information isn't shared as freely. People who have nothing to do with the original disagreement can find themselves caught in the middle.

At that stage, what looked like an issue between two employees has become a team issue.

And the longer it continues, the harder it can be to undo.

When somebody is considering a grievance

Not every workplace conflict needs to become a formal grievance.

There are, of course, situations where a formal process is absolutely necessary, particularly where serious allegations need to be properly investigated.

But there are also situations where someone considers raising a grievance because they simply can't see another way of resolving what is happening.

If the issue is fundamentally about a damaged working relationship, communication or an unresolved disagreement, mediation may be worth considering before everyone becomes more entrenched in their positions.

It has to be appropriate, and both people have to be willing to take part.

But sometimes giving people the opportunity to actually hear each other can achieve far more than another exchange of formal emails.

Mediation isn't always the answer

I think this is important to say.

Mediation shouldn't be used to avoid dealing with serious concerns.

There will be situations involving allegations of harassment, discrimination, safeguarding issues or serious misconduct where an organisation needs to investigate and follow a formal process.

And because mediation is voluntary, it shouldn't be imposed on somebody who doesn't want to participate.

Good HR isn't about pushing every situation through the same process.

It's about understanding what is happening and choosing the right response.

Sometimes that is a conversation with the manager.

Sometimes it is HR advice.

Sometimes mediation is appropriate.

And sometimes the formal route is necessary.

Why I believe so much in dealing with things early

After more than a decade working in HR, one thing I have seen repeatedly is that many serious workplace problems didn't actually start as serious problems.

They grew.

A conversation didn't happen. Someone felt ignored. An assumption wasn't challenged. Frustration built up. Communication deteriorated.

Eventually, everyone was dealing with something far more difficult than the original issue.

That's also why so much of my work focuses on helping managers become more confident in dealing with people issues early.

A healthy workplace isn't one where everyone gets along all of the time.

That's unrealistic.

For me, a healthy workplace is one where people can disagree, raise concerns, have uncomfortable conversations and still treat each other with respect.

Mediation doesn't have to be the last resort

This is perhaps the biggest misconception about mediation.

You don't have to wait until two employees can barely be in the same room before suggesting it.

Sometimes a facilitated conversation much earlier can prevent things ever reaching that stage.

It might be useful after responsibilities have changed, following a misunderstanding, when two very different working styles are causing friction, or simply when people know something isn't working but can't seem to resolve it themselves.

Used in that way, mediation isn't just about resolving conflict.

It can also be about preventing it from becoming something much bigger.

And that fits very closely with what I believe good HR should be doing in the first place: helping people deal with problems early, rather than waiting until they become formal processes.

I recently qualified as a workplace mediator, adding mediation to the support available through HR Insight Studio.

If you're a manager or small business dealing with workplace conflict and aren't sure whether you need an informal conversation, mediation or a more formal HR process, feel free to get in touch. Sometimes simply talking through what's happening is the best place to start.